Please Don't Divorce Him

I talked to a woman today whose sister was contemplating divorce. She had caught her husband cheating. She told me the woman's children and all of her friends were trying to talk her into leaving.

Her friends are not going to be the ones who have to suffer for his mistake; she is.

I asked this woman if her brother-in-law was an otherwise good husband and father. She answered very quickly that he was.

That is usually the criteria for choosing to stay. I hope she stays

Things We Can Change

One of my clients moved to Montana a while back. She returned to Salt Lake City where her mother lives for a visit. She called for an appointment. Salt Lake is 120 miles away so I knew she needed more than a haircut.

It turns out that she was thinking of leaving her husband so I canceled the entire morning and we had a little talk. The most important thing we discussed was how much her husband loved her children. I told her this was a big deal when considering the pros and con's of marriage. We discussed this at length. I told her that not only was it a wonderful aspect while married but it might be her biggest fight if she decided to divorce her husband.

After I discovered there was no abuse in the family I convinced her to accept the things she couldn't change in him, how to change the things that were possible and we dealt with the wisdom to know the difference.

She has a whole new outlook on life.

Phone Call From Reno

I got a phone call from Reno this morning from a client I once had. She heard I was getting my book published and she said, "Hurry I need it real bad. It's an emergency.

New Hard drive

Just when I need to keep in touch with my editor and my publisher, my computer conks out.

We took it to the Doctor and after a few days he discovered it needed a new hard drive.

Problem was no hard drives in this town. We made a late night trip to the city and now I am in business again.

Book Deal

Wednesday, I finally signed a contract to get my book published. I have worked so hard and I feel like I have paid my dues, as I should have.

Heal Thyself

I have spent so many years helping others through their grief when they have lost a loved one. One would think I would be prepared to deal with my own grief.

In retrospect, one thing I have to keep in mind is that a person has to go through the pain, as do I.

Another point is that it takes as long as it takes and we are just along for the painful ride.

Rest in peace, my Angel.

Another Bad Day

I had another bad day today. I can't believe my friend is gone.

She had Uterine Triple T Carcinoma Sarcoma Melanoma. It was a very rare cancer. Only 9 cases known in the world.

Her daughter said she had a special cancer because she was a special person. She was so right.

Nation Wide

Yesterday on a national TV show men and women were arguing about domestic responsibilities. Everyone seemed to know there was a problem but the arguements were very heated as to who was to blame.

I just have to get my book out to society. There is an answer.

Blessings

I was having another pity party today.

My friend's funeral was standing room only. Everyone who knew her loved her. She was an Angel on this earth.

I was blessed to be her best friend. I should be thankful that I had her for as long as I did. Most people go a lifetime and never have what we had. In thirty years we never had an argument or a disagreement. We were there for each other no matter what.

I guess I will have to thank God for my blessings and let the grieving process take it's course.

Best Friends for life

I can't seem to get past the grief of losing my best friend. I know it hasn't been long, however, I consider myself a very strong person. This is a strange feeling I'm having right now and I don't quite know what to do with it.
My friend Mava was one of a kind. She knew I worked all the time but she seemed ok with just getting whatever time I had left over and she never complained. She was an Angel among us. I was so lucky to have her as long as I did. I miss you so terribly Mava.

I Lost My Best Friend Today

I lost my best friend today. We have been hooked at the hip for the better part of our lives. You would never believe that anything could just force it's way into your life and snatch your friend away from you, but (CANCER) did. She read my blogs every day, however for the past few months there were no blogs to read. We were dealing with her sickness, and my heart just wasn't in it.
I love you Mava, rest in peace my guardian angel. Now you can read my blogs again.

Same Old Story

I missed a couple of months on my blog but that does not mean I haven't heard the same old story from young mothers.

Just yesterday I was reading in a magazine, dialogue between a newlywed and a counselor.

She was explaining that if she had known what marriage was going to be like, she never would have gotten married.

When asked what the problem was, she explained that even after working two jobs, her husband expected her to do all of the work in the home because he made the most money.

The sad thing is that this girl will more than likely try to handle it until she has a couple of children, at which time the work will magnify enormously. It will be at this juncture that a divorce may seem like the only answer. Then What?

Another Rejection

I received a letter from another Literary Agent which said, "We thought your book was great, but that your platform needed strengthening. Unfortunately the publishers insist on this aspect. We suggest you keep on expanding your public speaking then re-contact us in a year, unless you have already sold this."

This was a very nice response, however, it is so important for me to get this message out asap, so I can't get discouraged, I must keep plugging along.

Back at Work

I guess it was bad luck to finish my book just when the econamy tanked. I have had so many positive letters of encouragement from New York Agents but the bottom line is always the econamy. Coming so close so many times finally got me down for a short time. That isnt like me, I am usually a very positive person, and I am definately not a quitter. I guess I had better just pick myself up, stop feeling sorry for myself and get busy again. Back to my blog.

Same Problem The Second Time Around

I did a teenagers hair yesterday and I asked her how she was getting along with her step-dad.

She bristled at my question and said, "He is an A-- H---. He sits around all day while my mom does everything."

I said, "wasn't that her biggest complaint against your dad?"

"Yes it was," she answered, "but at least my dad was at work when she mowed the lawn." She added, "This guy does absolutely nothing around the house, and they both work."

It can't be fixed the second time if we didn't know how to fix it the first time around.

From Chauvinist to Doing Everything

I can hardly believe how my home life has changed.

I used to go to work and come home to a messy house, clean it, do laundry and everything that goes with it.

Yesterday my husband said how sorry he was that I worked all day and he didn't.

My answer was, " I have always wished I could go to work and come home to a clean house every day, of course never thinking there would be the slightest chance that it could really happen." I hugged him and said, "You have made my dream come true."

He does everything, cleans house, beds, vacuum's does laundry and irons, washes windows, everything.

It makes me wonder if this would have happened had I not taken a stand years ago. I think not.

What a blessing, I could work and write til I'm ninety.

Wedding's vs Anniversaries

Tying the knot means almost nothing compared to making it work for decades.

Celebrate anniversary after anniversary, especially when children are added to the mix.

Busy Month

May was an unusually busy month. First we went on vacation. The next weekend my daughter Nicole got married. When I got back to my computer, it had crashed.

We had the computer in the hospital for longer than we expected, but I am now back to business as usual.

Rejection Letter I Framed

I just received a long rejection letter from one of the top Literary agents in New York. Although it was sad to be rejected I actually framed the letter.

This is part of what Victoria Sanders wrote:

This is a terrific concept and a smart, savvy, and timely work that piqued my curiosity and interest from the very get-go.

The work that you have done is quite admirable and productive. I can fully understand the outpouring of support and interest you are receiving. This theme you so ably explore is a perennial one, but also one that is right up to the moment. Your voice is engaging and warm, and your anecdotes gripping.

There is no doubt that you have a solid and professionally rendered project here.

Despite my great interest, however, I fear that in this still down turned economy, publishers are looking for work from authors with proven and bestselling track records.

The Mom Exchange

I found an article in the parenting magazine. The article tells you what moms really want for Mothers Day.

81% say a break from housecleaning would be the best gift ever.

Top Three Causes of Discord

Dr. Neil Chethik says the division of housework is a "potential marital issue." One of the top three causes of discord between husbands and wives.

He writes, "The more satisfied a wife is with household duties, the more satisfied a man is with his sex life."

Other marriage researchers are drawing the same conclusion.

A Perfect Madness

About not getting co-operation from her husband:

"I just end up in tears, telling my husband,'I can't do this any more.'

He says 'I want to help.'

But he doesn't know how.

By Marisa Maez Brigman

Marriage

Louis Anspacher wrote about marriage in America:

"Marriage is a relationship between men and women in which the independance is equal, the dependance is mutual and the obligation reciprocal."

Changing The Dynamics

When it comes to householder responsibilities, you will find that when you change the dynamics, you will discover that the old ways of doing things were in effect only because no one ever seriously thought of changing them.

UNTIL NOW!

Families

We had to travel out of town for another funeral. These trips are getting a bit ridiculous.

Losing a loved one is hard but the whole situation only reinforces my convictions of how important intact families are.

Get Some Guts

Many women who are otherwise assertive are reluctant to confront their husbands head on when it comes to domestic responsibilities.

WHY?

Tip of the Day

Marriage is like running a farm. You have to start all over every day. It takes serious managerial work to have a good marriage, and lots of it.

Anonymous

On Some Level?

Dr. John Gottman says, "on some level many men still consider housework to be a womens job."

On some level? This is not only true for men but women as well. We are all stuck in that outdated, monolithic conundrum.

America, let's start the evolutionary process of realizing we must all share responsibilities on the domestic front.

Wives won't always be angry at husband's and the husband won't always think his wife is a nag.

Expectations

When you are negotiating with your husband about what responsibilities he agrees on as his own, be sure to think about his strengths. Have him pick responsibilities that have challenges he knows he can meet.

Just like a job title. If a husband knows what his job description is up front, he is sure to have an easier time of it. Knowing and doing exactly what his brain has eventually trained him to do on a daily basis has to be much easier than regularly fighting with his wife because he has no idea what is expected of him.

Funeral

We traveled across the state to go to a funeral yesterday. The second family funeral in a month.

It just shows you that life is too short to sweat the small stuff.

No More Divorces

I had two teenagers in my salon today who were VICTIM'S of divorced parents.

One girl said, "I am never going to get a divorce. When I get married, I will do what ever it takes to make my marriage last."

The other girl said, "I am never going to get married in the first place until I know for sure he is the right one." then she added, "I would never put my kids through what I've been through."

They must have been discussing their painful existence before they entered my salon.

Woman's Conference

Well, the woman's conference is finally over. It was a lot of work, however, it was so much fun working with Susan Polster. She is certainly a burst of energy.

The way the economy is, the money was considerably tight but she pulled it off. It was a complete success.

Tip of The Day

John Gottman, PH.D. says that women find a man's willingness to share housework extremely erotic.

Speech

I'm finishing off my speech. Today is really the last day I can.

I work the rest of the week until the Women's Conference.

I will be sharing the stage with two other author's so the speech won't be as long this time.

Too Late

My heart broke for a young mother the other day.

She told me she was getting a divorce.

When I tried to talk her out of it she said that it wasn't her choice. It seems he has been having an affair and wants out so he can marry the other woman.

He refused counseling and refused to talk about it.

It's the same old story; he has too much time on his hands. She has none.

They are both in for troubled times because there are four little children involved.

Flood

Our water heater broke and we were swimming around in our basement for a few days.

Not litterally but it was pretty bad.

Everything is finally back to normal. Whew!

One problem for Another

A young mother was in my salon complaining about having three children under the age of five. A husband who did absolutely nothing to help her.

She said, "If this is what I'm going to be doing for the rest of my life, I'm getting out."

She was determined.

I explained to her that she still had her kid's, and if she married someone else she would have the same problem because she never learned how to fix it.

I said, "Let's learn how to fix it."

It will take a while but we are going to do just that.

Phsychologist's point of view

Dr. John Gottman States that he found in his practice with couples, that women find a man's willingness to do housework extremely erotic.

He goes on to say that when a husband is not doing his share, the resentment and seething silence can grow to the extent that it could lead to divorce.

Women's Conference 2010

The 31st annual Women's conference is going to be Friday, April 9, 2010.

The Morning Keynote speaker is Joann Arnold; Author and Artist, from St. George, Utah.

The afternoon Keynote speaker is Brooke Walker; co-host of KSL's Studio 5 TV program.

Joann Arnold, Lora Akers and I have also been tagged to host a workshop on writing and publishing.

We have been at the planning stage for the Conference for quite some time and I think we may just about have it wrapped up.

Car Accident

Morgan didn't get off as well as we thought. Tests showed; severe whiplash, concussion, fractured knee and water on the other knee and her memory isn't that great. The MRI is today so we will find out more about why it hurts her to walk.

She is alive! That is a plus.

Car Accident

My granddaughter Morgan was coming home from Colorado on I70 where the speed limit is 75. She fell asleep, went off the guardrail. She went airborne down the embankment to where she bounced a couple of times and landed right side up. The car was totaled but she didn't get a scratch. Every inch of her body will be aching for a long time and I hope she has learned her lesson. Never drive sleepy and have your passenger stay awake. I am so thankful to have her basically unscathed. The police officer said she should be dead.

Lopsided

When you send a book out to an agent, you have to write a query letter. This letter tells a little about the book and predicts its audience. In my query I had to explain why there was a need for my book and books like mine.

My answer was 'Because couples with small children are divorcing at an alarming rate.' It could be because the husband is having an affair. It could be because the young mother is too exhausted, too angry and resentful to go on.

The bottom line is this: in most cases the husband has too much free time on his hands while the wife has no free time.

My book shows that it is easier to level the playing field than to get a divorce.

Answer to Rhionna

If your husband doesn't want to listen when you include him in the language, do it anyway. There is more of a chance he will come around in the future if he is included as a partner.

My older blogs have a lot of tips that may help.

Women's conference

Well, since I gave a speech at the women's conference last year, I somehow got elected to be on the board forever more.

This year two authors besides myself will give a writing and publishing workshop.

It will be fun to work with both of them.

Accept Him as He is

As you want him to accept you as you are, accept him as he is and try to 'not' make your cleaning standards his.

Tip of The Day

Include him in every aspect of your marriage and parenting.

Do not refer to the kids as 'my' kids, the house as 'my' house, or the kitchen as 'my' kitchen.

How can a husband take ownership if your language excludes him?

Don't Blame Him

Remember how you reacted to other parents before you became one?

You were in the grocery store and saw some mother with her kids. One of the toddlers had jam on her face, maybe the other one had a runny nose.

Remember how inept you thought that parent was? You, in your infinite wisdom, thought you would know exactly how to handle every parental situation. You even thought you would NEVER let your future children out of the house without spit-shined faces and freshly washed clothes. Come on, you thought, it can't be that hard.

Then you had kids and realized it was all harder than you had expected.

Your husband criticizes because he doesn't really have kids...at least he never has to deal with the jam and the runny noses and the dirty clothes.

Don't blame him when he criticizes. You once had those same thoughts, before children thrust you into reality. The more you let your husband parent, the less he will criticize.

Be Specific

If you want co-operation on the domestic front:

Be specific and expect results!

Your husband doesn't know what "You have to help me" means.

Does it mean help carry in the groceries? Does it mean follow you around and help with everything? Does it mean something in between?

Be specific.

Tell your husband, "Honey, I would really like it if you helped me carry groceries in from the car every time I get home from the store."

Men are far more willing to help with a specific task, but when "Help!" is an ongoing command, they just shut down.

Be specific and expect results.

Tip of The Day

When you are negotiating household responsibilities, consider lowering your standards on how your husband does his part.

Pick an area you can really let him handle on his own. It should be one you'll be comfortable with for the rest of your life if he does things his way. For example, if your husband says he'll do his own laundry, this is great. It's going to impact him if he doesn't get it done quickly, not you.

However, if he offers to clean the kitchen sometime after dinner but before midnight, this might make you feel a little too crazy. You might want to keep this chore for yourself.

Whatever responsibilities you both negotiate as his, let him have them! They can only be his if he can take pride in what he accomplishes.

And don't nag! Don't be his mother, or his teacher or his critic.

If he forgets to do his own chore, just accept that. In the end he will deal with the failure and ultimately be proud of the success.

Perfect Madness

Judith Warner, author of 'Perfect Madness' stated that after speaking to 150 women all over the country she discovered that the householder inequality that she saw in her own city was a nationwide epidemic.

My research showed the same thing.

Dr. Warner said women told her of their exhaustion, depression, resentment and frustration with their husbands.

One woman said she sobbed to her husband, "I can't do this any more."

Her husband said he wanted to help but he didn't know how.

That's why we need to learn how to communicate effectively with our spouses and divide the householder work once and for all.

Little Things

Practice, practice practice letting the little things pass.

You will need all of his attention and a fresh ear(one that isn't clogged up with petty things)to get the important issues solved.

Compromise

Compromise; it is his house too. If a man's home is his castle, what kind of a castle do you think it would be if he were told on a regular basis how to live in it?

If you are a clean freak and he isn't, compromise. It is his house too. Let him enjoy his house when he is in it.

Research

Research coming out of the University of Kentucky shows that when both husbands and wives report that duties are fairly divided in their household, the results are profound:

Wives and husbands are less likely to have affairs.

Fewer consider separation or divorce.

More couples report overall happiness.

Help is a Four Letter Word

When it comes to householder responsibilities 'help' is a terrible four letter word.

When two people in the house have full time jobs, 'shared responsibility' sounds much sweeter to me.

In my writing I try to omit the word 'help' as much as possible.

Co-operative Husbands

I have documented my research that shows we have a real problem on the domestic front.

I have done hundreds of interviews in four different states and every once in a while I have found an anomaly: a woman who says her husband shares the responsibilities. At the moment, I can only think of three such couples.

The men in these well-balanced couples all share one thing in common. They have all done householder work before. Some grew up without girl siblings. Some had parents who insisted on cleaning chores for both sexes. Some had to cook or clean because of family hardship. These experiences automatically made these men aware of what householder responsibilities entailed. They immediately had empathy for their wives and chipped in almost instinctively.

As I have said many times, most men would be happy to co-operate, if they only knew what their wives were going through. They will never know without being an active participant. How can you get your husband to participate? The answer is in my book.

Supportive and Co-operative

It isn't housework itself that cures a troubled marriage.

The husband who shares the responsibilities in the household tends to be viewed as a 'supportive partner.'

The feeling of "We are in this together" is what leads to a better marriage and a better sex life.

VOICE MALE

Neil Chethik, author of 'Voice Male', says that one of the top three causes of discord between husbands and wives is the division of housework.

Men not at Fault

My last post was pretty strong, but true.

However, we women are just as much at fault as men are for not evolving in this area.

Men can have a macho attitudes between peers that makes them not want to even think about change. Women in general sense this and don't want a war on their hands. So they tip-toe around the subject, asking for help a little at a time. Ticking like a time bomb, ready to go off. They finally blow up.

This hasn't solved anything except to play the same old tune the next time co-operation is needed.

Young mothers are not wanting to be slaves any more. They are rebelling. They don't know how to get results, so they leave.

Ladies, don't leave. Stay and help society change its mind set.

Status-Quo

We have evolved in every other area except the double duty, double standard of householder responsibilities.

In an article in the Associated Press, David Crary states that men and women are unequal in household chores but he thinks it's getting better.

Don't tell Jane it's getting better because she would be outraged. She'd cry out, "It's not happening in my house!"

Another part of the article stated that men's housework duties have doubled in the last forty years.

Forty years ago society expected men to do (0) so that may be true.

Getting Co-operation on the Domestic Front

What if our husbands are not doing their part on the domestic front?

We have already discovered that nagging, feeling sorry for ourselves, or being consistently angry doesn't work. And sadly these very actions do nothing to foster our own self esteem.

Why don't we love ourselves enough to know beyond a doubt that we deserve being a partner instead of a slave?

Perhaps then, we will be able to be rational. Then we can lovingly go ahead with a plan to get co-operation.

In my research, I have discovered that without this loving but firm approach, only temporary results are possible.

Still in The Dark

According to Dr. John Gottman of the Gottman Institute: A husband may pay lip service to the notion that times have changed. He may agree that it isn't fair for a wife to work a second shift when she gets home while he pops open a beer, but old ways die hard. On some level a man thinks what society expects him to think: that housework is still woman's work.

As I have said many times, 'We have yet to evolve when it comes to domesticity.'

A Message From Famed Author and Doctor; Scott altzman

You men out there: If you want more sex, pitch in around the house.

That will help her clean out her emotional closet and make more room for you.

Feeling guilty About Divorce

I know there are people out there who have been through a divorce and have certainly felt the hell that followed. These people don't deserve to have to feel guilty about their choice, along with everything else they are going through.

My intention in writing my book was not to make these people feel guilty. There are a lot of divorces that had to happen, and even more that happened because there seemed to be no other way out.

Couples who have been divorced and now are in another marriage are hopefully part of my targeted audience.

My main concern is a young mother with small children who would be trading in one bad situation that could possibly be fixed for (what I consider) a disastrous alternative.

More Stressful

The Journal of Psychosomatic Research states that divorce and separation rank as more stressful than being thrown in jail, being fired from your job, or having a close family member die.

Does divorce make people happy

A report issued by The Institute for American Values suggests that unhappily married adults who divorce were no happier five years after the divorce.

Two thirds of unhappily married people who remained married reported that their marriages were happy five years later.

Even among couples who rated their marriages as 'very unhappy', 80 percent said they were happily married five years later.

WE JUST HAVE TO MAKE IT THROUGH THE ROUGH SPOTS.

Happily Married Couples

Dr. John Gottman interviewed a lot of unhappily married couples.

The ones who were happily married had a lot in common with a man he called Dexter.

Dexter said, "When we first moved in we kept the house together, we handled the money together. We also shared cooking and cleaning.

Dr. Gottman also states that husband's have better sex lives when they share the housework.

Note: He didn't say when husband's help once in a while.

If It Doesn't Work Out

On The TV show (Live with Regis and Kelly) the other day, Kelly was marveling at how long a guest had been married.

She said, "My mom and dad are still married, but in those days you stayed married no matter how unhappy you were."

Then she said, "These days people are saying,'If it doesn't work out I will just get a divorce.'"

It sounds so crazy, but this is what I have discovered over and over.

I hope we don't have children while we are 'figuring out if it's going to work.'

Children need their very own mom and dad if at all humanly possible.

Think Twice

If your thinking about getting a divorce, keep this in mind before you do.

when we trade in one man for another, we are trading one man's set of faults for another man's set of faults.

Often we dwell on our husbands short comings, and compare those short comings to another man's good qualities. We need to compare the faults of both.

Chances are a second husband's faults could very easily include that he dislikes your children.

From Prosperity to Poverty

I had a new client the other day who lived in a run down motel, worked at a place for $7.00 an hour and had a daughter who lived this existence right along with her mom.

I did the thing I do best. I began questioning her to discover how she got into this position in the first place. I got an ear full.

Even though I had heard it so many times before, I was still shocked to hear her story.

While she was married, she lived in a big house with a pool and all the amenities. She also had a son. However,he was no longer with her. He had opted to live with his dad because his dad was the one with the money.

Her reason for divorcing; She and her husband both had full time jobs, she kept everything up on the home front, while her husbands domestic deeds were non existent. His off time was spent golfing, fishing, and mountain climbing when he wasn't watching TV.

She told me that she knew she should have been able to do it all, she just couldn't handle it.

It was her turn to get an ear full, to no avail.

She was so matter-of-fact about her dire situation, it was eerie.

Stories like this are the reason my book had to be written.

I

A Magical Transition Still at PLay

When I was down with my eye My darling husband did all the housework, cooked all the meals, did all the dishes, washed clothes, scrubbed floors, vacuumed every day, changed beds washed sheets and put all the cloths away. He waited on me hand and foot, fed me breakfast, lunch and dinner in bed, when needed, and took care of the grand kids when they came.

Before I went on strike, this man didn't lift a finger to do anything domestic.

I have a client my age who was sick a couple of months ago. When I asked her if her husband helped her through it she said, "Absolutely not, he could do nothing but ask when I was going to be better." then she added, "He was a nervous wreck until I could get back on my feet and be the family slave again."

I hear more stories like this than I can count.

Computer Problems

I was absent from my blogging for a couple of months because of my eyes and ironically soon after I returned my computer crashed.

Well, I have my computer back so hopefully I can be consistent from now on.

Splitting Emotions In Half

In my opinion, divorce should never be an option when you have children, (except on rare occasions,) because divorce doesn't necessarily constitute happiness.

When children are forced into a divorced situation their emotions are forever split in half. Children never stop trying to decide who's right and who's wrong, and who's side they are on at any given time.

In my research, I have discovered that not only are emotions split where the parents are concerned but sibling fights erupt over who is on who's side at different intervals.

When two people are considering divorce my guess is that they are completely unaware of what they or their children are going to be in for.

Our children do not deserve to go through the hell that a divorced situation so often puts them in.

If The Police Are Always Involved it Can't be Good

Yesterday there was a news report about a woman who shot and killed her ex-daughter in-law. When the policeman was interviewed he said "This is so sad, and you would never believe how many calls we get in divorce situations, the number is astronomical."

When two people get divorced the thought never crosses their mind that maybe one of them will never go along with the divorce decree.

From what I have seen with divorced friends, relatives, clients or any couples I hear of or come in contact with, nothing ever goes smoothly.

Police are called frequently, and children become the victims again.

If we could only foresee all of this before choosing the option of divorce.

Hard on Children

Since my clients and my friends became aware of my book and my stance on divorce, the feedback has been continual.

I hear so many stories of the suffering children go through when their parents get divorced.

Some of the stories come from clients at work but most of them come from phone calls I get at home.

Yesterday a woman called me in tears because her little boy wanted to go back to his dad. Her ex-husband had called the police and told them something was wrong at the house because his son wasn't happy there.

The little boy was questioned by the police quite thoroughly and they discovered he was perfectly happy with his mom and the home. The real problem was that his dad had made him feel guilty because his dad was single and would be all alone while his mom had somebody.

The little boy was afraid his dad was going to do something drastic while he was gone.

I can't even imagine a little 7 year old boy having that enormous responsibility on his shoulders.

Sadly this is only one of hundreds of stories where the police are involved.

Hard on Children

Easy to Say

While I was convalescing from my surgery, one of my clients stopped by my house and brought a plate of cookies.

She immediately began talking about my book.

She said, "Sherri, you are right,most marriages can be saved."

She reminded me of her plight twenty years ago.

"When Bill and I were having so many problems and I was at the end of my rope, I went to my Bishop."

What she said next exasperated me.

"My Bishop told me I needed to leave him, so I did." She added, "I have been in poverty ever since. It didn't make the children's lives better, and I have been ten times more miserable since I left him than when my marriage was in turmoil."

It seems so easy for some one else to tell you to get a divorce while they stay comfortably in their own , so called, messed up marriage.

We all have messed up marriages at one point or the other.

It seems to me it would be far easier to fix the mess than to put your children through the hell of divorce.

Another Very Promising Rejection

Here is the Email I received from Amberly Finarelli, the Literary Agent from California.

Many thanks for letting me review the proposal for I WENT ON STRIKE TO SAVE MY MARRIAGE....

I LOVE the concept and feel that this could be a very strong book. My concern, however, is that with the publishing industry as it is, editors are looking more and more at writers with Strong platforms. You are off to a great start with your blog, but I would encourage you to continue building your web presence and marketing your brand to a variety of media sources to get your name out.

For the time being, I'm afraid I must respectfully pass on this project, But I wish you great success with this CREATIVE, FUN, AND IMPORTANT CONCEPT.

Regards,
Amberly

i have been interviewed on TV twice. I have given speeches at the college numerous times, was a guest speaker at the womans conference, I have a website and a blog.

That is nothing compared to what I need to do So.......here I go, doing whatever it takes to get the job done

Another Very Promising Rejection

Continued Interest in My Book

While I was on the mend from my surgery I got an email from the Agent in Sacremento, California.

She said she had read the proposal and three chapters of my book.

She said so far it looked great and wanted more chapters.

I sent her the rest of the book and today I received an answer.

I will post the answer on my next post.

Eyesight Returning

Everyone out there; a reminder to keep track of what is happening with your eyes.

I am here to tell you, one minute you can have 20-20 vision. The next minute your eye can be bleeding profusely.

It's a very scary situation. When it happened to me, I thought I was going blind because the blindness in one eye made the other eye work twice as hard.

The down side to that is; after a while the good eye stops working as well.

Now you have one eye that is blind and the other eye works when it wants to. This just might be the reason I was given strict instructions not to read for six weeks.

Well, My eyesight has returned. My blogging has returned, and my faith in modern medicine has hit a new high.

I consider Dr. Carver a genius.

Detached Retina

I have been off the planet for a while, I hope someone missed me.

I was working one day without a care in the world when suddenly out of my right eye came what looked like a blizzard. The difference being, the blizzard wasn't white, it was black.

I turned out to be blood.

The diagnosis was; my eye was bleeding profusely, I had a detached retina and more tears in the retina to count.

It was a race against time to get to a Doctor who could do the the extensive surgery to save my eye.

I made it in time, and the only inconvenience that meant anything was the instruction not to read. (that is not a good thing to tell an author.)

Its almost over and I will be back blogging again as soon as I am completely released.