Author Sherri Mills

Saturday, June 20, 2009

A Wife Asks for Help

In Carolyn Hax's help column in the Salt Lake Tribune, a woman writes that she has been married for six months, adores her husband, but is not excited about spending the rest of her life doing everything in the house. She is resentful of him but also of herself because she lets it happen.

Can you even imagine how she is going to feel once the kids start coming along?

Carolyn's answer was right on. She said, "You do not ask him to [help out]. It's his responsibility as much as yours."

That is wonderful advice on the surface. However, the writer gives the wife no hint as to how to make it his responsibility.

My guess is that the writer, being like the majority of society, still thinks it isn't the man's responsibility.

This is a societal problem. The idea that women should be responsible for everything in the house isn't the man's fault. Deep down we all believe it. The idea is embedded in our culture. The ugly little secret is we want it this way. We don't want to ask for change. We don't want to create change. We don't want to go through the discomfort of change. We can over-work ourselves and continue to have resentment, anger, and sometimes pure hate for our husbands, because change seems impossible.

One thing I have discovered through my research is that until a woman can believe unequivocally that she is not responsible for it all, she will never convince her husband of that fact.

The good news is, it is possible.

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