One man I interviewed was very upset about the lack of intimacy in his marriage. He told me about a situation that had happened between he and his wife.
He said, "My wife has a journal she keeps every day. One day I noticed her journal on the counter and I started reading it. I noticed the journal was chuck full of endless tasks, one after the other."
What he said next was very telling.
He said, "I asked her where I was on her schedule."
I laughed because obviously that would be the remark of most men. They just don't get it and never will until they do it for themselves. I think they believe that each task takes only five minutes anyway. Instead of feeling bad for her because she is overworked, he feels bad for himself because he isn't getting his needs met.
I grinned as I explained to him how he could work himself in.
I said, "With all of the tasks she has to do daily, I think the only way you are going to work yourself in is to find a few jobs that you can take over. Then you will automatically be inserted into that slot." I put my hand on his shoulder and gingerly asked, "What do you think?"
He seemed to (kind of) get it.