Starting Again

I decided I needed to send some more queries out today.

This Publishing business is more difficult than I thought. I have worked harder since I finished the book than I ever did when I was writing it.

Perhaps this could be a deterrent for some people. However, this gal refuses to quit.

Meet The Press

Today on Meet The Press, the subject was 'Women in America'.

Studies showed that women are being compensated quite well in the workplace. Men are trying to help out more at home, due to necessity.

The down side to that seemed to be that men didn't have any idea what the expectations were on the home front. There was also the male ego to deal with. Add to that, men were completely in the dark as to the complexity of the whole household situation.

My book deals with all of that. I explain how we got here in the first place. How we have been going about it all wrong by blaming our husbands. I also have solutions that work without damaging our husbands egos. The key word being, 'responsibilities'.

Keeping Him Was Worth It

My view on keeping marriages together gets stronger every day. I see disasters from divorce situations on a regular basis. Occasionally however, I see the miracle of a marriage, once on the brink of divorce, that has been saved.

A client visited my salon the other day who was enjoying twenty years of a renewed marriage.

She said, "Sherri, I will never be able to thank you enough for bullying me into saving my marriage."

This woman had been dealt the ultimate betrayal. Her husband had been having an affair with one of her friends. When she found out about it she was determined to file for divorce immediately. She planned on taking her four kids out of school and moving in with her mom. Her mom lived in another state.

It took a lot of counseling, a lot of work, and most of all time to regain her trust, but their marriage is stronger than ever. They do everything together, and he has been faithful for twenty years.

It does my heart good.

A Child of Divorce

One of my clients takes her son to Primary Children's Hospital to have weekly visits with a Psychiatrist.

This child has been diagnosed with POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER.

The Psychiatrist informed the mom that the constant pull between mother and dad has caused it. This child loves both parents and wants to be with both of them.

He was reportedly perfect before the divorce, even with the constant fighting.

As it stands now. The disorder is off the charts and they can only hope for a cure, sometime in the future.

hmmmm???

Excuse for Getting a Divorce

I was listening to Dr. Phil the other day. I usually agree with him and think he has helped multitudes of people. However this particular program sent me reeling.

Dr Phil was stating the fact that if a marriage is riddled with turmoil, it needs to end. His reasoning was; children are better off out of that situation. A situation where they hear their parents fighting all the time.

Does anyone think the fighting will end after the divorce. My research shows that not only does the fighting get worse, but now instead of fighting in front of the kids they are fighting because of the kids. The kids being in the middle, and obviously feeling more and more like it is their fault.

In my interviews with children of divorce there were numerous suicidal thoughts.

When I asked one child how he would feel if his parents got back together, he said, "It would be like being dead, in a coffin, and coming back to life again."

Let us fix our marriages, some how, some way. Go to counseling. Do whatever we have to do, for the sake of the children.

Changing the Way We Think

Changing the way we as a society think about household responsibilities is going to be a significant challenge. However it will be well worth the effort.

My personal story proves that it is entirely possible to wake a sleeping giant (husband). To very lovingly cause him to be aware of the inequity at play with his partner in life. Trade your own resentment, unhappiness, anger and ultimate hopelessness, for empathy, love and the realization that your partner is not bad. He has just been misinformed. As have we all.

After all, we collectively think that women should be responsible for it all. It has been deeply embedded in our society for so long that no one really wants to face it.

Let us be brave. Face it and fix it, instead of opting for divorce or counting on drugs to help us cope.

Our children and grandchildren will benefit greatly.

Til Death Do Us Part

As I have said before, (domestic violence is a no brain er when it comes to divorce.)
However, we must erase the idea that if you are not happy in your marriage you need to get out. No matter how many times unhappiness rears its ugly head in subsequent marriages.

That is exactly the stance we as a society took, some twenty years ago. I call it the 'me generation'. I am convinced that if you were happy once, you can get happy again. Also, why do the children have to suffer because your not happy? (And they do suffer.)

We need to go back and examine just what that kind of thinking got us. Then why don't we try to get married with the idea of making it work, no matter what we have to do. Let us try to keep children in the same house with both parents.

Barring any physical or sexual abuse, what ever happened to 'TIL DEATH DO US PART'?